We most often consider how to guide and change our children’s behaviour when things are going wrong. It is important to have some consistent strategies that both parent and child are able to use and respond to consistently.

It is about what we do before things go wrong that is most helpful in setting up a household that reduces frustrations and some of the misbehaviours that occur at those times.

Proactive strategies

• Ensure you have appropriate expectations of your children, don’t expect too much too soon
• Limit TV and computer times
• Avoid each member of family having a TV and computer in their own room
• Try to have times such as meal times together for the family to chat and reflect about the day
• Ensure you are not rushing around too much, tiring yourselves and your children
• Avoid too many extra activities, particularly at the end of a day
• Ensure a regular bed time and consistent routines for bath and reading each day

Strategies for when things go wrong

‘Chill out’ time: Adults and children can sometimes benefit from having a bit of time away from a stressful situation or to calm down. ‘Chill out time’ involves perhaps moving a child to another area, or a certain space in a room where they can be on their own. It is not a form of punishment. ‘Chill out’ time stops the issue at hand and provides some opportunity for everyone to settle and calm reinforcement. Thinking of time out as ‘chill out’ helps to remove the humiliating and punishment aspects and provides time for changing the behaviour.

Take five!!: Giving ourselves time to think, to consider and to work out what might be best to do, requires time. One of the most simple and yet effective strategies is to count to five or ten, to buy yourself just a little bit of extra time in which to consider what to do.

Think and then act: Related to taking five is remembering that sometimes in the heat of the moment, we say things or do things we later regret. Trying to think about how you feel as well as the situation, can also provide a moment to make a more considered response.

Running its course: Often when siblings are fighting and arguing, we jump in and try to resolve or solve the problem for them. At times, it is a helpful strategy for children to attempt to work things out, to argue a bit or to have some conflict. Conflict is a part of life and learning how to deal with frustrations and how to work through issues is part of what it means to be a successful learner.

Distractions: A simple and effective strategy for young children, particularly under the age of 3 years, is to simply distract them from the issue that is causing the problem. Offering them something else to play with or somewhere else to play can be enough to distract the child from the issue.

Consequence rather than punishment: When you feel that your parenting needs support and you are not sure what else to do, always seek support and help from others. Remember, you don’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to cope on your own.

For more details about behaviour you can obtain a copy of Kathy’s book

‘What’s the Hurry? : Reclaiming Childhood in an Overscheduled world” by Kathy Walker.