All behaviour has meaning

A key point to remember about children is that all behaviour has meaning.

This is a useful starting point when we attempt to work out why children behave in a particular way and helps not us not to go down the path of thinking they are simply being manipulative or scheming.

Most important is to remember that young children in their early childhood and primary years, will at times misbehave, push a limit or boundary and that this is a normal part of growing up. Parents don’t have to feel that they or their child are failing when things go wrong.

Some handy hints in working with our children and helping them to develop appropriate interactions with others include:

• The adult must take responsibility for holding appropriate expectations of children and not expect too much or perfect behaviour. This often places children under pressure and frustration and sets a child up to fail rather than succeed.
• Ensuring the environment promotes encouragement of effort and attempts and avoids nagging as much as possible.
• When a young child is refusing to do something try offering a choice. This can often distract them enough to do what you require.
• Distraction or presenting something different often helps a very young child when they are upset or angry.
• Chill out time (not time out) provides time for parents or children to calm down, not in a separate room and certainly not a ‘naughty chair or corner’. Just somewhere close enough but away from where the issue occurred.
• Take 5! This is for parents to count inside their heads to calm themselves before reacting. Often we react from anger rather than a considered response to a situation.
• Sometimes, ignoring a situation or turning a blind eye if it isn’t too inappropriate, avoids always responding in the negative.
• Remember sibling rivalry is a normal part of life within a family. Trying to avoid becoming the referee and letting some of the issues run a natural course (unless they are dangerous) and not always solving the problems for children, helps them to develop problem solving skills and resilience.
• Trying to promote appropriate behaviours through understanding consequences (rather than just fearing punishment or receiving a reward) helps to promote more sustainable and intrinsic behaviours as children grow older.

Further reading : ‘What’s the Hurry?: Reclaiming Childhood in an Overscheduled world” by Kathy Walker.