I often wonder what it would be like if we needed a fact sheet for adults on alternatives to hitting each other!!!

So many people seem to assume that hitting is an acceptable way in which to discipline children and yet at the same time, most adults spend many hours reinforcing to their children that hitting is not okay to do to others.

Comments such as, "It's just a light tap", or, "it didn't do me any harm when I was young" seem to really miss the major point. Quite simply, there are many alternatives to disciplining children which do not require any hitting.

Listed below are a few examples of alternative ways to discipline young children without the need to hit.  Remember the key aim is to change inappropriate behaviours, not hurt or place fear into children.

• When something happens, as the parent, count to five inside your head to help you calm down before you respond. Often adults hit in anger.
• When an inappropriate behaviour occurs, instead of hitting, speak firmly and express your own feelings using reflective listening, such as, "I am very cross about that. Move away, or come over here away from where you have...."
• Try a chill out, rather than hitting or 'time out naughty chair'. For example, I am very cross you have hurt your brother. Come over here away from everyone and calm down. I don't want you near your brother until you have calmed down."
• Distraction is an effective approach with children younger than 3 years.... Distract the child away from where the issues are occurring. For example." Hey, look over there, what is happening?"
• Remember that chill out time, where children have some quiet space to calm down provides a circuit breaker from the issue but also doesn't shame or humiliate or teach your child to fear you. We want children to respect but not fear their parents.
• Remember as a parent you are allowed to say "no". You are allowed to be firm, to set limits and to set consequences if children do not follow through.
• You will parent more effectively with less anger, fear and resentment if you try alternatives to hitting.
• When speaking with your child, try to describe the behaviour you are cross with and what is inappropriate rather than use words such as naughty or not nice. Describing the words gives extra clarity to children about what is not appropriate.
• When disciplining your child, always separate the child from their behaviour. For example, instead of saying, "you are hopeless, you never listen", say, "I need you to listen. I am cross that I have to say that again." This ensures respect for the child, but you can still be cross with the behaviour.

For more detailed information, read Kathy's book "Parenting" aimed at effective parenting for preschool and primary aged children (details are on the home page of our website).