Consequences are one of the most effective strategies for helping children to respond appropriately and to change inappropriate behaviors.  Using consequences helps to avoid the need to yell, threaten or explode!!

Consequences when used consistently over time change behaviors and provide the opportunity for children to practice responsible decision making, intrinsic motivation and making appropriate choices that are good for all.

Consequences assist the child to identify and understand the result of their action and to have an opportunity to make a better decision or choice next time. Consequences generally lead to less resentment from the child than when punishment is used as discipline.

How Does Using Consequences Differ to Punishment as Discipline?

Consequences may look similar or sound similar to punishment but differ from punishment in terms of rationale and purpose.

Punishment is about imposing some form of deprivation because a behaviour has occurred that is deemed inappropriate. Often the punishment will have little or nothing to do with the actual event or misbehaviour.

For example, a child may refuse to turn off the television and the punishment that is given is that the child has to go to bed early.

Punishment is a strategy that simply is controlled by a more "powerful other" (i.e. the adult) and the nature of the punishment may or may not relate to the "crime" (i.e. inappropriate behavior).

Punishment is a strategy that reinforces extrinsic motivation and can often in the longer term lead to resentment or fear in the child, or lead to behaviours that are motivated simply to avoid being punished and not  because the child understands and is able to adopt more acceptable behaviours.

Consequences therefore seek to help a child to learn a number of key things about taking responsibility for their own behaviours.

• 1. Consequences seek to help the child make an informed choice and to have practice in making choices and living with the consequences
• 2. Consequences attempt to relate directly where ever possible to the actual event that is occurring at the time rather than an arbitrarily imposed punishment
• 3. Consequences provide children with a model that promotes and leads to intrinsic motivation rather than extrinsic.

Key points about using consequences as a strategy for disciplining children:

• Consequences are most suited for children aged 3 years and over.
• The consequences set need to be related to a logical or natural result of an action (or behavior) so that the child learns that their actions translate to, or relate to a result
• The parent needs to provide clear choices for the child
• The consequences need to be realistic, "do-able" and immediate (the younger the child, the more immediate they need to be)
• If the child chooses to continue with the undesired behavior the consequence needs to be implemented - parents can never change their minds!!
• The parent needs to set and implement the consequence calmly without any emotional outbursts (such as anger, frustration).
• Consequences need to be implemented consistently as the strategy for disciplining children
• Consequences need to be endorsed and implemented by both parents
• Consequences may not work in the first instance (or the very first time they are implemented) - but over time this strategy is incredibly effective and helps children take responsibility for their own actions.
• Make a list of consequences that are appropriate to use for inappropriate behaviours that are occurring with your children at the time. Update the list as your child grows and develops.

When setting a consequence before a misbehavior has occurred, try to provide a clear indication of what it is that needs to be done and what the choices involve as well as the consequence.

For example:  "Remember to turn the TV off at the end of this show. If you choose not to turn the TV off and I have to turn it off then we won't have the TV on tomorrow".

When giving a consequence after an incident, try to deliver it as follows:

For example:  "I can see you have thrown the ball through the window. You will need to come in with the broom and sweep it up and part of your pocket money will have to go toward payment".

Consequences are most effective and easy for the parent to implement when parents have a list or idea of the sorts of consequences they may be able to implement in certain situations.