Parenting and family life

Welcome to my first editorial for 2010:  it has been an exciting start to the year with the release of my latest book for parents through Penguin Publishing.

The book is called "Parenting: A Practical guide to raising preschool and primary-school children."  The working title of the book was called, Understanding children. This is really what the book is mostly about.

The more we understand children, and the more insight we have as to why our children behave the way they do the better equipped we are as parents or teachers, to set appropriate responses and consequences.

I was asked recently in a media interview "do we really need books on how to parent. Doesn't it just occur naturally?"

My response was as follows.

"Any work place, study, skill, or activity we undertake, usually requires some understanding, some practice, some thought and some support along the way. We need to stick at things, to seek advice or support and to be open to improving and working on whatever the particular skill is we are undertaking."

Parenting is exactly the same. It is a myth and quite misleading to assume that just because we can reproduce or adopt a baby we are given some magical natural skills with which to parent effectively.

'Being' a parent is different from 'actually parenting'.

Children in their early years require as much consistency, support, nurturing and guidance as possible from a range of adults who understand children as best they can and are open to honing their skills of parenting and thinking about their parenting.

I become quite irritated with comments like, "if it was good enough for me when I was a child, it is good enough for my own child". Does that mean that everything that has happened in the past automatically becomes acceptable and effective?

Effective parenting requires thoughtfulness, reflection and an openness to thinking about a range of strategies that may be effective.

In my work I witness parents showing such great commitment and care toward their children and a real desire to keep learning and growing and developing skills as a parent.

I am frequently asked about hitting children and whether or not it is ok.

I actually don't like entering the debate along moral grounds about whether to hit is ok.  I actually believe hitting children is quite simply not necessary to parent effectively.  In addition, hitting children sends a powerfully double message and a confusing message to children who spend most of their early years of life hearing that it isn't ok to hit others or to hurt others physically.

My new parenting book provides a broad and deep look at why children behave they do, it seeks to empower parents by helping them to understand their children better and has many practical examples that focus particularly on the preschool and primary school aged children.  It has a range of practical ideas for parenting and suggested alternatives to hitting children.

The book also reinforces that parents don't need to be perfect and nor do their children. It has a chapter specifically  for parents on how to look after themselves, not just their children.

Parenting effectively is not always easy. In fact it is often quite challenging. The book is not designed to be a quick fix list of strategies, but rather a book that helps parents to reflect upon their parenting styles, understand the various stages and ages and issues that arise for children during their preschool and primary years and to offer some ideas for strategies that may support parents in their parenting.

This year Early Life Foundations is offering more parenting support services with increased parent consultations at our new office as well as parent workshop series throughout the year. Keep an eye on the website for more details and updates. Schools and early childhood programs may find the book a useful guide for parent libraries and supports.

All of us at Early Life Foundations and Walker Learning wish everyone a happy 2010 and encourage all those working with, and parenting young children to be open to reflection and continued growth in skills with young children.

Kathy