I am often asked by parents what I regard as the most important things that young child in their early childhood and primary years most need.

It seems there is a lot of confusion in the wider community about what is and isn't best for young children in these significant early years of their life.

Society often seems driven to push children into activities, expectations and lifestyles that are often inappropriate for young children. Make up and modeling parties for 5 year olds, 24 hour parties for 7 year olds, nail polish for 2 or 3 year olds and so the list goes on.

I am particularly concerned about the younger and younger age that children are accessing and using electronic forms of communication at excessive levels. Whilst an email once in a while may be an acceptable way of communicating occasionally when you are 8 years of age, in most cases the need to actually really communicate, learn to read body language, to make appropriate eye contact, to listen, to hear, to interpret, to assert opinions appropriately and respectfully, are not helped by constant use of email. Even as adults we often now use email as a way of avoiding direct communication or to convey things that we don't seem brave enough to discuss face to face.  Despite all the useful aspects of email, it can often be used as a great "cop out".

Too much time sitting in front of a computer screen or a Nintendo, or a DVD sets a pattern in young children that sets habits and ways of behaving and thinking that can be carried into their adolescent years.

I often tell parents at presentations that the seeds we sow now in our own homes about how much TV, computer, internet and other 'electronic entertainment' will set a foundation of how many children will use and access these things as they are older.

Children do not need TV's or computers in their own rooms. They need to learn and experience that life within a home, community, classroom can be shared. Whilst it is always good to escape to your own space as a member of a family at times, children need adult awareness of what they are accessing, texting, emailing and they require adult control over how much and when.

So many people seem in such a hurry for their young children to grow up. Remember when adults used to say to children when they asked if they could have something, "when you are old enough, or when you save up your pocket money, or when you are a teenager."

Often it seems that there is no waiting anymore. We appear in some quarters to be promoting an impetuous impatient society where everything a child wants they can have regardless of how old they are or how mature they are.

Time is important during childhood.

Time....... to play; to wait, to explore, to learn, to experience.

Time is precious and often difficult to find these days.

What are the most important things in our children's early life?

Amongst others we might include on this list are the following:

• Positive, healthy and consistent relationships with their primary carers (parents, teachers, extended family)
• Time to hang out with the family
• Healthy attachment to their primary carer
• High levels of self esteem
• High levels of resilience
• Time to relax and not be rushed around 24 hours a day
• Lots and lots of play, inside and outside where creativity and imagination are encouraged.
• Time and practice in conversations
• Limited access and time with anything that involves a screen
• Regular rest and sleep

There are many other important aspects of course for young children, these are just some that are often not prioritized.

These days, many people often discuss the issues of hearing children's voices. Allowing the voice of the child and empowering the child to express views, to articulate their likes and dislikes.

This is an important aspect of the developing child. To be heard, to speak out, to express.

It is also true though, that we must be careful not to use this important aspect of children's lives, the voices of children, to place understandings, expectations or opportunities to express views that they could not possibly understand or have the maturity to understand the implications of.

For example, some people advocate letting a preschooler determine and choose which school they can go to the following year.

How can a child at the age of 4 or 5 years of age possibly understand the particular philosophies, practices, values and aspects of a school. They may be asked to talk about what they think about school, what they imagine they would like at school or expect to find. That is fine.

But let's ensure we are not taking the voice of a child to the point where they are being encouraged to actually talk about things they do not understand.

There are some who claim, that valuing the uniqueness of the early childhood years, is patronizing toward children. I have even heard some professionals deride the use of the word, nurturing when it is associated with children.

If we cannot nurture, guide, support, encourage and look out for our young children, I worry about what type of world some adults expect young children to grow up.

So the question we can ask in response to these and other comments is this famous one asked by early childhood experts and authors Stephanie Feeney, Eva Moravcik, Sherry Nolte in their book, Who am I in the life of a child?

Against the backdrop of current society, how do each of us view our role and who we are?

• Am I a mother or father and what does that mean?
• Am I a teacher or carer?
• Am I open and warm or closed and critical?
• Am I honest and trustworthy and reliable or inconsistent?
• Do I view my role as to nurture, to set the pace and model a lifestyle for my child or do I believe they set the pace regardless?

To reflect upon whom each of us is in the lives of children can be an empowering and sometimes challenging reflection.

If I am a teacher, how will I be remembered by the students I taught?

How will my children remember me as their parent?

What sorts of things will the children remember about their childhood?

We have the opportunity to build and construct a role, a relationship, a lifestyle and family life that can provide a solid, healthy and positive beginning for our children.

It requires us to be reflective, to take time out, to revisit our own attitudes and actions and to be bold enough to take stock, to make decisions and take action that will help our children's early life to be relaxed, happy, healthy and a solid foundation for the rest of their lives.

Remember, many of the patterns we set now, move through with our children into later life.

That famous saying that they do what we do not what we say is so true.

Who are you in the life of a child?

I hope you make time to reflect upon that question and feel confident in direction you are heading with your children. I wish you the best in your journey.

Kathy Walker